Quandaries in Au Pair
by xXxThe Phantom's RosexXx
Summary: Lenard, Raj, and Sheldon babysitting? You know that can only lead to one thing - chaos.


A/N: I've never written under the Big Band Theory fandom but I decided I'd give it a try considering it has become one of my new favorite shows. My computer is down so I can only borrow my dad's to update and check fanfiction but I'll try to update when I can. Anyways, I hope you enjoy this as much as I am enjoying writing it. Please read and review. Reviews are the milk to my cookies, the sunshine to my sky, the waves to my ocean, and the Johnny Depp to my Tim Burton movie.

Disclaimer: I do not own Big Bang Theory

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Chapter One

"Guys, guess what!" A very excited Penny exclaimed as she hurried into the familiar apartment.

"What?" Lenard asked.

"Penny, how many times must I ask you to please not haste about and intrude into my apartment in such an unkindly and well, to put it frankly, rude manner? I am a genius you know and I can not risk being interrupted if working on a one of my latest theories or hypothesis…"

"Ignore him," Lenard rolled his eyes, "So, what's all this excitement about?"

"My niece and nephew are coming to stay with me for a week!" Penny clapped her manicured hands together, earning herself a roll of Sheldon's holier-than-thou eyes.

"Are you sure someone of your…standing, is capable of taking care of children?" Sheldon asked, not looking up from the computer screen he was currently poured over.

"Of course I am!" Penny responded defensively, "Why wouldn't I be? Besides, Jack and Lily are only here for a week and I think I can handle an eight year old and a baby."

"A baby?" Lenard's eyes widened, "Penny are you sure…"

"It's just one week!"

"When do they arrive?"

"Tomorrow."

"Tomorrow?" Sheldon was clearly upset by this, "Tomorrow I am working on my theory of quantum physiology and I can not have some runny nosed, germ infested specimen…"

"Don't worry, Shelly," Penny smiled sweetly at the man she had come to tolerate, "Jack and Lilly won't be any bother. They'll be in my apartment the whole time and you won't even have to see them! Not that I really want you around them anyways…"

"Excuse me?" Sheldon raised an eyebrow, "I am more fit to take care of a child than you!"

"Surrre. You'd probably bore the poor kid to death or strangle him or toss him out of the window if you had to take care of a kid."

"I would do no such thing. That would be irresponsible parenting. I'd merely give them a few educational books to review while I work on my studies. That way, we all benefit. What activities do you have planned for…Jack and Lilly?"

"Well, we're going to go to the Zoo and the park and possibly the aquarium. I really want to take them to that new restaurant – the one with the fish tanks in it."

"The Aquarium Restaurant?" Lenard asked.

"Yup, that one. They'll love it. Especially that humongous tank that runs right up the four stories of the dining hall."

"Penny, may I interject?" Sheldon asked, holding up a finger.

"Something tells me you will rather I say yes or not," Penny sighed.

"Firstly, 'humongous' is not a proper weight or measure. Secondly, what is that you plan to do with the children while at work."

"Holy crap on a cracker!" Penny's eyes widened, "I-I haven't thought of that!"

"Maybe your boss will let you take a few days off…"

"I can't do that! He's already mad at me and I can't risk it. I need this job. I couldn't possibly ask for vacation now!"

"I have a suggestion."

"What is it, Lenard? I'm willing to try anything!"

"You can let the kids stay…"

"Ooooh no you don't!" Sheldon quickly stood from the computer.

"…here."

"Why, that's a great idea! But what about school?"

"My classes got canceled because of an accident in the lab so I'm free. Besides, what else have I got better to do?"

"Lenard, this was not discussed. What have I told you about breaking Roommate Rule #311 section 5 footnote 37?"

"Uhh…"

"Do you even recall what Roommate Rule #311 section 5 footnote 7 reads?" Sheldon asked. When Lenard shook his head, Sheldon sighed and dictated, "Roommate Rule #311 section 5 footnote 7 reads that if one wishes to have guests over, one must speak to one's roommate at least seventy-two hours in advance. If one fails to contact said roommate and notify said roommate in seventy-two hours, said guest can not stay."

"Sheldon, don't be ridiculous…" Lenard rolled his eyes.

"I am not the ridiculous one here, Lenard._ I_ am not the one that suggests that two children – a baby much less – stay in our abode for six hours…"

"Nine, actually."

"_Nine_?" Sheldon was clearly upset, "**_Nine_**?"

"I told you my boss hates me. He bumped up my shift from six to nine hours."

"What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything,_ Lenard_!" Penny snapped, "Just because I was an hour late every once in a while…"

"_An hour_?"

"Or two."

"Penny!"

"What? I can't help it. My soap comes on at ten. What was I supposed to do?"

"And you say you're fit to be entrusted with an eight year old and a baby!" Sheldon scoffed.

"I can take care of them! " Penny said defensively before her voice fell, "…Just between the hours of seven p.m. to ten a.m. …"

"Penny, are you sure this is such a good idea? Maybe you can talk to your sister and see if…"

"Lori is going to her friend's that she hasn't seen in about five years. Her house is about three hours from here and they've had this planned for months. I can't back out."

"You've known about this for months?"

"Well, she's told me about her plans a while back but she just called last night to confirm everything. Oh crap, I gotta clean!"

"Are you sure you're up to this?"

"Of course, Sheldon. I am perfectly capable of taking care of kids."

"Alright. Well bring the kids by tomorrow so we can get to know them for Monday," Lenard suggested.

"Will do. I know Lilly will love you and Jack is no problem at all…"

"Penny, it's fine. We'll be happy to take care of them, won't we Sheldon?"

"I suppose!" Sheldon let out an exasperated sigh.

"Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!"

"Don't mention it. I'm happy to help," Lenard smiled at the girl he had had a crush on for slightly over a year.

"This means so much to me you guys! Thank you! I gotta go get everything cleaned up back at my place but I'll see you tomorrow."

"Okay, bye!" Lenard waved as Penny whirlwinded herself out the door.

"Well that was…shocking."

"Sheldon, try to be nice to the kids, alright?"

"Aren't I always nice?"

"Well…"

"Make him not do his creepy smile!" Raj spoke for the first time.

"You heard the man, Sheldon. No creepy smiles around the kids."

"My smile isn't creepy. I just have abnormally elongated facial muscles."

"Uh-huh," Lenard nodded, "Alright, no creepy smiles and we gotta try and keep Howard away from them also."

"I don't understand…"

"Come on, Sheldon, if these were your kids, would you honestly want Howard Wolowitz around them?"

"No, I suppose not."

"Good. So no creepy smiles and no creepy Howard. I think that covers it."

"Penny's going to be really appreciative of you doing this for her," Raj smiled at Lenard.

"That's the plan, Raj, that's the plan."


End file.
